July Blues
by TheRussianGaaraKid
Summary: It's the fourth of July, but instead of being as happy as his citizens, Alfred can't help, but feel a bit depressed. When he sends Lithuania away so he can fulfill his yearly routine well read on to find out... ooc, I must warn you that there is some real angst here.


Anime: Axis Powers Hetalia

Characters: America and England

Genre: Family and Hurt/ Comfort

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**July Blues**

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Alfred stared blankly out the window of his small colonial log cabin in the middle a suburban town in Virginia. He knew he should be happy, heck it was the fourth of July, his heroic independence was celebrated today. It was _supposed_ to be the happiest day of the year beating Christmas and Halloween, but it wasn't. That didn't change the fact that when the American woke up that morning he felt a sort of deep heaviness in his heart. He had expected to wake up to some messed up phone calls from his former elder brother as he did every year, but it was disturbingly quite in the house this year. The only sound coming from the hurried steps of the ever loyal Toris, who was tidying up things downstairs. No one bothered to call Alfred or anything so the blonde decided he'd spend the day alone and made his way over to the window to peer down at his citizens and watch them celebrate his "birthday".

From his window he could see young children running around, a young blonde girl and brunette boy both clad in red, white and blue. He chuckled a bit at how eccentric his citizens tended to be, just as he is on a regular basis, and just as patriotic. He could see the little girl wearing an American flag around her neck as a cape, and watched as she chase after her friend proclaiming her heroism to the world. The little brunette stared in awe as the heroic blonde child posed with a hand on her waist and her pointer finger in the air, the HERO pose.

"If only you knew what it took to be the hero" The personification of the United States of America muttered as he watched the girl tackled the young boy giggling as they tumbled to the ground. The play fighting was something America could remember he used to do with his own brother, but then the fight would end when a certain guardian pulled them apart. The children rolled around a bit having a blast before getting scolded by an elder woman; he guessed she was probably the mother of one of the children as she picked the two off the ground by the ear. The children howled and yelled out in pain, but the woman paid no mind to them and escorted them back inside to most likely get them cleaned up.

'Hmmm... tough, they got caught'

Alfred shook his head in sympathy. He knew how they, the children, felt at that moment. When he was a young colony he would get scolded often by a temperamental Brit and would get an ear tugging as well whenever he misbehaved. There were many times when Arthur finally came back and he'd find that Alfred had gotten into some kind of trouble with either the Native American tribes or the "colonists" and if the young blonde tried to hide it he'd get a spanking.

'Ouch' Alfred winced at the memory of the spankings he'd get from the pirate, it was quite painful for the young nation. Maybe that was why he had strict laws against with child discipline, that was not really any way to treat a child.

A soft knocking on the door was the only sound that erupted in the small wooden abode which made the blonde turn his head to the entrance. Blue eyes stared at the shut door wondering what the Lithuanian wanted. He had grown bored of watching the Fourth of July preparations away, he got up and walked away from the window as he called out "Come on in" in a cheery tone he hoped sounded like his usual tone.

"Good morning Alfred, happy birthday" Toris called from the door in his nervously light tone of voice. He wasn't shaking as he usually did whenever that Commie Ivan was around since he was with Alfred (he knew the Heroic American was a good person). The green orbs of the slight Baltic nation stared at him worriedly as he slowly walked over to the younger nation with a soft smile.

"Thanks Toris, what's up? I thought I told you that you had this week and the next off. Why are you still here?" Alfred adjusted Texas (his glasses) before returning the smile lightly. He was pretty he'd said it at least, oh well, if he forgot then he know knew and that was the important thing.

"Ah, well yes, you did give me time off. I just came in to s-see if you wanted anything before I left Mr. America" Toris stated as he tried to play off the uneasiness he felt when Alfred smiles like that, he knew it was fake. He'd seen his fair share of fake smiles especially around Ivan, he was a expert at detecting smiles now. It wasn't like the America to be like this, it was his birthday, he should be genuinely happy!

"Nah, I'm all good" America waved his hand dismissively as he turned off the muted news that he'd been watching absently before getting bored and pretty much spied on the neighbors.

It was funny that Alfred had seen generation after generation of families grow up around the neighborhood but to them he was invisible just another face in the crowd. The youngsters he'd seen grow up have died and he still got incredibly excited as the new youngsters came in, but deep down he would still remember the dead members. He smiled bitterly as he realized just how long he'd been living there and his other residents, far too long. Maybe it was time to move again... somewhere just as secluded, but maybe surrounded by a couple of families.

"If you're sure, then I'll be going soon. I left the number you can reach me at Mr. America and-" the Lithuanian paused as he stared at the American's back. The silence fell into the room making it a bit uncomfortable.

"And?" Alfred chuckled as he turned around to see Toris' serious face, it wasn't all too funny, but the idea was. He knew the other was worried for him, but he didn't need a nanny anymore. Alfred was older now, he knew what he did was for his own good and that he wouldn't have changed anything even if he were given the chance. It was his choice along with his citizens to revolt and start a war, the Revolutionary War was his decision damn it. He didn't need somebody there to monitor him as he relived the feeling of betraying the only person that ever genuinely cared for him.

"Take care of yourself Alfred" Toris finished as he placed the basket full of clothes that he had just finished washing and folding. He was not comfortable leaving the younger nation by himself especially since he'd been acting weird the whole week. First he'd been disappearing at weird times only to be found sleeping hours later in the basement holding his old musket. Then there was the instances where he would act even more childish than usual fussing about wanting sweets then making a scene about wanting to join Toris to the supermarket and riding on the carts. Lastly and more concerning was his night terrors where he'd wake at two in the morning or earlier calling for England obviously distressed. He hadn't said anything about the strange behavior, but it still bothered him.

"Sure thing Tor" Alfred called with a wave at the retreating Baltic. He knew that he was acting weird, and he appreciated the space Lithuania had given him. It meant a lot to him especially since it was something he wanted to deal with himself. "Bye, have a safe trip to Poland"

This had Lithuania stop in his tracks, how did Alfred know he was going to Poland's house instead of his own. Before he could turn around to ask he was answered with a sketchy "Don't worry Tor, I know everything. It's my job" and with that the door was shut once more and Lithuania chose not to dwell on the strangeness that had occurred.

After picking up his small bag the brunette took one last look at the place he'd called home for almost a year now. Alfred had always been a great, understanding boss and it was much better than working for Ivan, however he felt like a mother. He didn't want to leave America, he worried about how he was going to feed himself or what he would do if McDonalds were to catch on fire. The scenarios kept playing in his mind making it harder to take those last few steps towards the waiting cab.

Closing the door completely Lithuania look one last look making sure a fire wouldn't immediately consume the house and with a sigh he loaded his bag into the trunk and left. From his perch on the window Alfred watched as the last parental figure left him. Given he knew he'd return the pain in his chest still hurt more enough to make his breathing heavier.

"Well I guess it's about time to get this over with" America sighed as he headed to the bathroom to take a long warm bath. It didn't matter that it was nearly 95 degrees outside (or 35 degrees Celsius) he began to try scrubbing off all the sadness he felt in vain letting his pale skin become reddened and drenching his dirty blonde hair letting it stick onto his face. As the steam filled the room the American felt himself remember the roar of the war and the screams of mercy, the faces of young men with their whole lives in front of him standing there trying to face the war without a trace of fear. On the ground lay the bodies of dead and drying men and women and some children too. Innocent people had died in that war too, people who had just been there at the wrong place at the wrong time.

A long piercing scream had poured out of the American slightly muffled from the onslaught of quickly heating water being sprayed. One after another more screeches laced with desperation and a haunted sadness escaped the blonde as he pressed on the scar he had gotten from the last standoff from his former charge. Those hurt, disappoint evergreen eyes staring at him wishing for once not to have dealt with the American, to have never have had such a troublesome brother. The scar burns, not in the way it did when he'd originally gotten it, it feels like a thousand fiery arrows shoots at the spot without stop.

Tired. Alfred feels tired and hurt at the moment as he lets out a small whisper of a roar, his legs feel like the paper soaked and weak under the spray. A hand in the wall does the trick to keep him from falling, however no his head hurts something terrible. Soaked and miserable Alfred decides it's time to exit, it wasn't like he needed to stay for too long, he'd shower later on.

Getting out Alfred wraps a towel that had been laid out for him and slowly walks off in a pace that rivals that of a sleepy tortoise. Gently he rubs the stray tears out his eyes, there were no need for them, hell it wasn't like it would change anything. People had died and England still resented him. Freedom. Freedom was still his, and with that thought the blonde quickly dressed himself in a black tee shirt and dark jeans and on second thought decided to go with his bomber jacket.

He was going to a special place, it was his own special memorial that he'd set up far from the actual places where battles had been raged. He and George Washington had decided that it was the perfect place to put it, the ground had not been soaked with blood but with the memories of the fallen. It was a simple area, gated off so that no one else could see, a stone pillar stood and carved into it were a couple thousand names of both colonist and loyalist who had lost their lives. They were Americans in his view regardless of their siding he personally etched the names with his two hands.

Every year after he would go there to remember the fallen while everyone celebrated their independence forgetting the deaths that lead to it. Every fourth of July the blonde would let out the pent up feelings of the past and hurt that his land had felt, a sort of punishment he was meant to fulfill for his selfish act. Then following his tradition he would pay his respects to the fallen, bringing them tobacco and molasses even if he knew nothing would happen. He would quietly tell them what had happened in the year and individually thank each and every name on the pillar for the ultimate sacrifice that they had made. By nightfall Alfred would sit leaning on the pillar to watch the fireworks feeling guilty that no one else had remembered the fallen, they only knew that it was a day for barbeques and light shows.

This year wouldn't be any different as Alfred stood adjusting his bomber jacket and taking the boxes he had prepared beforehand, slowly he locked the door to the log cabin and placed his shades on. He knew that he probably looked ridiculous but he didn't care, it was a short walk to the memorial anyway.

Taking long strides Alfred watched as families stood in their front yards with friends holding cold beers and laughing. The sense of happiness and the colorfulness was almost disheartening to the American as he continued to go. The cheers of children singing his anthem and the flags hanging everywhere almost made Alfred want to do an about face. No. He had to do this, he had to be brave and face his errors, he had to be strong just as he did that day he had his final stand with Arthur.

Before he knew it Alfred was at the memorial, the same gate was now rusted with age and bent in time guarding the area all the same. Gingerly the American pushed the gate open expecting to the same empty field save for the pillar, but something was off. The off on the distance was a crop of golden locks and all black suit. Curious the American continued on with the intent to tell whoever it was to get the hell out, but stopped. He wasn't the only one there beside him was a young child in a dark sailor suit and a fading figure with wavy blonde locks who also had a black suit. The three had their backs to the entrance making it hard to tell who it was however the American had an idea as to who it was. It still didn't change the fact they weren't welcome there.

"What are you guys doing here? This memorial is off limits" Alfred's voice was serious lacking any of its usual obnoxious cheerfulness.

"No need to have a panic, we're merely here to pay our respects" was the reply he got from the golden haired figure, there was an unmistakable cockney accent. This had bells ringing in America's mind.

'Oh HELL no' he thought angrily as he place the boxes on the floor. This was not the day to mess with him, he was in no mood to deal with whatever these idiots wanted.

"Get out" was the forced whisper he emitted as he walked over to where they were kneeling. "You have no reason to moan these people, get out" a tinge of anger spiked his words as he pointed at the fence.

"Look we will leave when we're done, just relax" evergreen eyes were directed at baby blue ones hardened as hit returned to the pillar. A look of sadness over took them as he continued to read the names etched in, but he never dared to touch it. The blonde with wavy hair continued to place the flowers he'd been arranging before the pillar while the boy in the sailor outfit merely bowed his head.

'What the hell do they want? England hated him, Canada resented him for getting his independence first and Sealand wasn't even born when this happened.'

Alfred waited a couple of minutes staring down at the three as they continued doing whatever they were doing. It was soon after that Mathew stood up and did something that he hadn't done since they were just children. Small frail arms wrapped around his neck and suddenly his face was in wavy blonde hair. A small murmur of "we haven't forgotten' was whispered into his ear as the Canadian let go and patted his shoulder. He then proceeded to walk over to the boxes that Alfred left behind and brought it over. The next to finish was England who finally break his eye contact with the pillar.

"As much as it pains me to be here, I felt it was necessary for me to pay my respects. Look Alfred... all those years ago I only wanted to help you. You were so young and it had been difficult to raise you, I just didn't want to let you go before you're ready. Perhaps I should have listened to you, but I was blinded by my need to protect you from the outside world" Arthur sighed looking back at the pillar shaking his head.

"All of those deaths didn't have to happen, and I know they still affect you as it did when it originally happened, I can see it in your eyes. It's not your fault and although I resented you for your revolt, I want you to know that I've gotten over it." He held up a hand to quiet the American before he could interrupt. "I know it probably too little too late, but I'm proud if you. of what you've become and how you've proven me wrong. These men and women and children have paid the ultimate price for my inability to see that you were ready, just know that I'm sorry" with a sigh England didn't even wait for a reply as he turned had one last look at the pillar before walking off with Sealand at his side.

Dumbfounded the American just watched the three walk away slowly and calmly wondering if he was going crazy. As he stared down at the ground his eyes widened as he saw old muskets on the ground and felt a tear make its way up. England's and Canada's both side by side, a memory of what was and what is the family he had fought with.

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/ THE END/

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**_A/N:_****_ I'm sorry if this is weird however I started writing this a while ago then last night after a couple drinks I decided to finish it and I have to say I don't quite know what to make of it. Sorry if you hate it, but I guess this is Alfred's emotional side no one really gets to see. Sorry about OOC-ness and well yeah... sorry about this. + ~TheRussianGaaraKid~ out+ _**


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